This was originally posted in 2012 after my wedding. I have since divorced. While I was in the fight/flight point of leaving my marriage I wanted to erase any evidence of past happiness in the marriage and deleted all of my posts. Luckily I had the foresight to save all of them in Word documents. Despite how things ended this was written from a very real, authentic place at that time in my life and now that the dust has settled I am ready to proudly share it again. Ironically, the last line I wrote in this means that much more today, "Let the breaking of the glass remind you of the fragility of life and impermanence of things."
Then, at 31, I got engaged and it turned out
my fiance had different plans—he wanted the party, the friends...the
top shelf open bar. So in the spirit of building our life together, we
practiced the art of compromise. We would have the modern wedding in the sense
of venue, DJ, photographer, "top shelf open bar," but I got creative
and decided to make the process my own, to use it as a soapbox of
sorts, for something that was meaningful to us--Animal Rescue and
Being Green. Although this was our
wedding, I refer many times throughout this blog as "I," as
I primarily handcrafted, designed and executed this event. Matt is more
laid back by nature, and aside from his insistence on the big
wedding, he did not request much else and allowed me to take it into my
own hands. I gave him the task of finding a DJ, and choosing a cake.
In the spirit of his love for sports our colors were purple and gold
representing the Baltimore Ravens, and he chose a gluten free cake decorated
with animal paws, the Ravens, and the Orioles; of course.
We both love animals and and are both fond of our local city animal shelter, Baltimore Animal Care
and Rescue Shelter (BARCS). I wanted to give back and bring awareness to animal
rescue to those who may not have had exposure before.
With permission from BARCS, we designed place cards
out of business cards with the BARCS logo that read, "Liz and Matt's Wedding...Voucher for a free pet adoption from
BARCS." The back of the card served as the "seating
card," identifying the guest and table name
Rather than having
table numbers, I identified the tables by names of different animals who had
been rescued (i.e Mittens, Kisses, Angel, etc), and reached out to the
community by designing some catchy flyers asking for "Happy Tails,"
even if they didn't ultimately have "happy" endings. I hung
the flyers in local shops, BARCS, on Craigslist - and of
course given my nature of being able to talk to a wall, I would randomly go up
to people I spotted walking what appeared to be a rescue dog, giving them a
quick synopsis of my project and gave them my email address.
The response was overwhelming. I received many more stories than
the 14 tables we had at the wedding. I wanted to honor each story of the 80
stories submitted so I created a photo book for guests to look through. Before
the book arrived when submitting my order there was an option to send an email
to share your book. I sent it to the BARCS Volunteer Coordinator who posted it
on the BARCS Facebook page and was then reposted on other group’s pages as well
as individual pages.This book reached thousands. I received feedback through
Facebook that people were brought to tears, couldn't stop reading it,
bought their own copies, etc.
We also held a BARCS Wish List Drive at the
wedding. It contained items ranging from donating old linens, to purchased
items of varying price points, some as low as $1 so anyone could participate.
Pet Smart of Timonium generously lent us a dog house to house the wish list
items we received! We decorated it with Paw Printed Stockings, and
posters made last year for a BARCS fundraiser by the children at Southwest
Baltimore Charter School, the elementary school where our DJ teaches.
In addition to the BARCS poster I made, I
also made a giant poster of our foster cat at the time, in a bride costume, a
gag gift received at my shower. It read, "PLEASE
ADOPT ME,” and included her story. She has become our wedding mascot
with her bridal shots. And my friend, Steve, another BARCS volunteer came over
to take some professional glamour shots of her to use for the poster.
For Décor, I made everything on my own— I have never been a fan
of flowers, so I opted for making something out of wine corks instead.
Again, I posted flyers everywhere and asked
restaurants and friends to save them for us. In only 2 short months I somehow ended
up with 13,000 corks, and a huge job ahead of me. I made cork coasters as
favors
For centerpieces we
collected unique shaped vases we found at yard sales and thrift shops and
filled them with corks and then sealed the top off with clay, paint, and sealed
with candle wax—sort of make shift as I went along, but that is my art style.
Beside each vase was an animal’s name hand painted on a wooden
plaque along with a photo of the animal and their story.
Down the aisle of the ceremony, I mounted corks on
wide translucent purple ribbon with a gold trim (from the Dollar
Store!) and draped down the sides of the aisle, and a sign I created out of an
old bulletin board encouraging no reserved “bride/groom”
side seating.
My dad died about three years ago before I got married. Truth be
told, I don’t know that I would have had him walk me down the aisle, we had a
strained relationship. Even
though I have a stepdad and Uncle, I chose my dog, Tovi, to walk me down the
aisle. He has been my steadfast companion for the past 8 yrs and has been
everywhere with me. He and I stayed at the hotel the night before the wedding
and he kept busy with a bone while I got ready the next day. Below is a photo
of Tovi waking up in the hotel room, getting rest before the big day.
Then, he walked me down the aisle perfectly, dressed in his
Ravens Jersey of course.
I am not one to get
emotional, but what has been most meaningful to me is the help we received from
the community to make our day so special. Countless people who were once
strangers to us stepped up to offer to help—some have turned into close
friends. We could not have done this without the help of the BARCS
volunteers, genuinely kind hearted people and restaurants who collected corks
from us, the people who took the time to submit their rescue tales. A woman
from Washington State was vising her children in Baltimore and saw
the cork flyers and would send me corks from Washington!
The concept of this
type of wedding took off too--I received messages from people who were married
and wished they had thought of something like this for their wedding, or
getting married and wanted to do something similar. This feedback encouraged me
to write about this in the hope that maybe others would be interested in learning
about “wedding themes,” to make the event meaningful and personalized to them.
In the end, our wedding turned out to be amazing. And, I finally
understood why people do the whole “wedding thing.” It was wonderful to share
this celebration with our friends and friends. And the little bridal touches
that I used to think were cheesy I actually got into. The day before the
wedding I wore the a cap that read, "Bride,”and I really wanted to get one
of those "Future Mrs (enter name)" hoodies or pants but that I
resisted (for financial reasons), but the mere fact that i wanted it said a lot
about how I was finally getting the concept of why people do
weddings. The day of the wedding I got my hair and make-up done, and
I had never felt so beautiful in my life.
I had spotted on Pintrest a Kate Spade necklace that read, “mrs” in script writing that I needed to have and got from my mom at my Wedding Shower (the shower that I never wanted but ended up loving). I learned to enjoy the finer things that I so often in the past had deprived myself of and I think Matt learned that it’s okay to accept help from others, having always been so steadfastly independent.
****
Other fun wedding notes that s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d our budget and
were environmentally friendly:
Online Wedding Invitations
We sent our invites
through e-cards, a step up from e-vites--we used a website called, Paperless
Posts, which saved paper and saved a huge expense in stamps. The
website even includes a program to track RSVPs, etc. Three cents per invitation
and response card and they offer all sorts of designer brand invitations if
that is your thing. I think it cost $38 total!
Pre-owned wedding dresses.
Maybe I watched too
many episodes of “Say Yes to the Dress,” but I could not fathom spending the
kind of money some people spent on wedding dresses. I opted for a “pre-owned”
dress. There are many of these sites but I found mine on a website called,
"Preowned weddingdresses.com," This is especially great if you
know the name of the dress you are looking for. For example, I knew the
designer and name of the dress I loved and put that in the search engine and
came up with several matches. I got a $1000 dress for $400; in pristine
condition, worn once, for 5 hrs.
Ballet Shoes
The part of me that
did get caught up in the wedding jazz found a pair of Kate Spade gold flats. I
loved them. My mom ordered me 2 pairs for size, and neither really fit right,
but even more importantly, when I tried them on with my dress
they weren't visible as the dress touched the ground. So, I decided
to but cute white silk ballet shoes online ($20) and I
was so comfortable and tossed them at the end of the night.
Photographer
Years ago when I first
adopted Tovi I met Jenni Combs, of "Forever Yesterday," through
Craigslist. She was just starting out her photography career at the time and I
wanted photos of Tovi and she needed sample pet photos for her website, so it
was a perfect match. We met at a Park/Beach are and she took the most
incredible photos of my beloved young Tovi.
Years had passed but
as soon as I got engaged I knew she would be the photographer for me, passing
her kindness toward me years earlier, I wanted to pay it forward and make her a
part of our special day. I picked my brain to remember her name and it eventually
came to me. I wrote her an email reminding her of that photo shoot almost a decade earlier and that Tovi would now
be walking me down the aisle. I received an email from her telling me that she did remember us and the email I wrote her brought her to tears.
Deposit A Gift
I was blunt. There really weren't any things that we needed and I am a minimalist and hate cluter. We are both in our early thirties, lived both separately and together for some time and had everything we needed. And we are certainly not the type to use fancy dinnerware, serving pieces, or display crystal or silver frames, or even matching colored towels. This website allows you to enter in things that you really want for your wedding; things that perhaps cannot be put on a store registry (i.e. new windows, bathroom renovation, skydiving, honeymoon fund, etc.) and people “deposit” money toward your wishes. For cards, I decorated a used shipping box and turned it into a card box.
Bridal Party
Simply,
we didn't have one. It saved money on a rehearsal dinner,
party gifts, and most importantly, although it was one of the most important
things to Matt, I have a hard time getting close to people and honestly
couldn't think of anyone I felt close enough to, including my sister, to be
involved in my special moment. Except of course, Tovi.
Rehearsal Dinner
Our wedding took place
the weekend after Thanksgiving. Instead of a traditional rehearsal
dinner at a restaurant; we brought both families together to
celebrate Thanksgiving at Matt's parents home, as the "Rehearsal Dinner,"
with no real rehearsal of course.
Yard Sales
I absolutely LOVE yard sales! I think I had so many that Matt
has officially banned me from having any more for at least a year. My
friend, Tiffany, was also getting married and we played our sale up by
promoting the yard sale as going toward our wedding funds. Some
people even made random donations!
Make your own photo album.
You can include more
photos for much less the cost of a traditional album! We made tons of books,
gifts for our families, and a Honeymoon album all for under $100 (Compliments
of a Living Social deal).
Bouquet
I made my own bouquet out of cloth flowers and
twine tied with a ribbon. Total cost $6.
Hair Syle
My dress came with a giant flower that could
be pinned to the waistline. No one was a fan of it, including me. I asked my
hairdresser to cut down the flower and make it into a hair clip. Much to
my mother's dismay, I didn't want the veil, or a bun, I wanted a
side braid. One thing I found amazing through this process is that
even though she paid for a lot of the wedding, she always reminded me that it
was my wedding, no matter how
much I could tell she hated some of my plans, and for that I have a lot of
respect for her.
A Little Help from Our Friend
I did become a little overwhelmed the month before the wedding putting it all together on my own while being in it so Matt's cousin, a wedding planner, stepped up at the last minute insisting on coordinating the day which was perfectly executed.
http://www.asweetaffairevents.com/
A little celebrity status
We
made the he wedding section of the Baltimore Sun!I had really
wanted to be in there so people could see what I did and hopefully inspire
others to realize how unique you can make your wedding.
Vows- we wrote our own, which were beautiful, but too personal for me to feel comfortable sharing.
We had a judge marry
us, he actually is the reason we met, but that’s a whole other story. When we
went to meet with him, I was prepared with questions he may ask about us.
At his suggestion we met at a dive bar and he and Matt talked about sports
the entire time and when I asked him what he would like to know about us, he
didn’t really have a plan, "I don't know,
email me something." So in the spirit of my Type A personality, I
wrote a speech for him:
“The one traditional custom that Matt requested for this otherwise
non-denominational ceremony was the ritual of “the breaking of the glass.” This
is a tradition that dates back many generations, and today has multiple
interpretations. What Liz and Matt have shared with me is that for them, the
shattered glass symbolizes the fragility of relationships and reminds us that
we must treat each relationship with special care.
Love, like glass, is fragile and must be protected. Liz went on to
relate this to one of her favorite quotations, “what you do everyday matters
more than what you do every once in a while.” Take a moment to reflect on
these words, “what you do everyday matters more than what you do every once
in a while.” (slight pause) Relationships need to be nurtured daily. Is it
ok to be inattentive to your partner and then send flowers on your anniversary?
Like the waves in the ocean, the circumstances of our lives are always
changing. As individuals we experience great joys, tragedies, and everything in
between. When we feel broken, be reminded of the saying, “this too shall
pass.” This quote is most often said in the bad times to console people and
offer hope, but Liz explained to me the importance of relating this quote to
the good times as well, they too, will pass. This keeps us humble and confident
that the natural cycle of life is for circumstances to change. Despite where we
as individuals may be, having a partner there with you makes the good times
better, and the bad times more bearable.
Let the breaking of
the glass remind you of the fragility of life and impermanence of things.”
